" YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID ! "

1. After stopping for Drinks at an Illegal Bar, a Zimbabwean Bus Driver found that the 20 Mental Patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The Deception Wasn’t Discovered for 3 Days.
2. A Man Walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a Gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the Cash from the Clerk and Fled, leaving the $20 Bill on the Counter. The total amount of Cash he got from the Drawer… $15. 
3. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some Beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a Cinder Block through a Liquor Store Window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The Cinder Block Bounced Back and hit the would-be thief on the Head, Knocking Him Unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on Videotape.
4. As a Female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a Detailed Description of the Purse Snatcher. Within minutes, the Police Apprehended the Snatcher. They put him in the Car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”
5. The Ann Arbor News Crime Column reported that a Man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The Clerk turned him down because he said he Couldn’t open the Cash Register without a Food Order. When the man ordered Onion Rings, the Clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast… The Frustrated Gunman Walked Away.
6. When a Man Attempted to Siphon Gasoline from a Motor Home Parked on a Seattle street by Sucking on a Hose, he got much more than he Bargained For. When Police arrived at the Scene to find a Very Sick Man curled up next to a motor home near Spilled Sewage. A Police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to Steal Gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s Sewage Tank by Mistake. The Owner of the Vehicle Declined to Press Charges saying that it was the Best Laugh he’d ever had and the Perp had been Punished Enough ! 

     LMBO